Have you ever had an overwhelming urge to cry only to hold it in because of X, Y and Z? I have and it seems like all that holding in of my emotions finally caught up to me. When I finally had nothing else to do, nothing I was obligated to, nothing I could distract myself with, I sensed this huge burden. And the only thing to do in that very moment was cry. And so I did. I must have cried so much in my lifetime actually, but this one was different. It was different because it was much more intense and the more I cried, the more I realized I needed to cry. For my own sanity, for myself…
It wasn’t an ordinary cry. It was fall-down-on-your-knees and beg for mercy type of cry. The absolute grief resting on my conscience was coming to the surface. The feeling of being unworthy… I was what you may call, sobbing. The energy of it was so powerful it couldn’t be ignored. I had to cry and something about it was incredibly liberating. After all the occasions where I’d brush my emotions to the side, it was finally coming up to be healed.
So now I write to you today to show you that crying is okay. It’s normal and it’s one of the most human things to do! If you don’t cry and keep it all bottled in, you end up stifling yourself in the end. There is nothing shameful about crying. It doesn’t mean that you are weak, it means that you are human. And it’s okay to embrace our human-ness.
Towards the end of my sobbing, I had come to the realization that I never fully grieved my father’s death. I was only 7 when he passed away, so I had no idea how to comprehend it. I also realized I had a huge sense of unworthiness towards myself, to God and to everyone in my life.
That feeling of unworthiness is so ingrained in a lot of us. Either we side with it and make self-deprecating jokes about it, or we overvalue ourselves and try to compensate for it by material possessions or other superficial ways.
Why do we do this? Why can’t we just be content and grateful for who we are as humans? Flaws and all, we aren’t perfect! And that’s okay. It’s important to be kind to ourselves and in return, remember what is real. Nothing from our external world can give us this. Only we can. And it only begins with a simple decision.
Are you willing to be kind to yourself?
🙂
Soul Smile 